WELCOME TO THE 1ST RH'S TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS... (cheering, clapping, whistling)

(announcer)... Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's @followinyoazz! (screams, claps, whistling, drawers being thrown on stage)...

(@followinyoazz)... Wow! Thank you tweeple (muah,muah). Welcome to our very 1st RH' TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS! FROM AUG 18TH TIL AUG 24TH THE TWEEPLE CLOGGED THE TIMELINES OF MANY OF THEIR FOLLOWERS BY CASTING VOTES FOR TONITE'S EVENT! DUE TO SO MANY VOTES COMING IN, I HAD TO ENLIST THE HELP OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY JUST TO SORT AND COUNT. WE RECEIVED OVER 135 PAGES OF VOTES FROM YOU, THE TWEEPLE, MAKING THIS TWITTER EVENT TWITTERIFIC! IN THE FRONT ROW, I'M PLEASED TO SEE ENTIRE CAST OF RHOA, RHONJ, RHOOC, RHONYC, AND RHODC! MY SPECIAL GUEST IS ANDY COHEN! I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THIS MOMENT WHERE YOU WILL SEE IN WRITING IF YOUR VOTE AND SOMEONE ELSE'S VOTE MATCHED PERFECTLY. TONITE YOU WILL SEE IF OTHERS THINK THE SAME AS YOU. TONITE YOU WILL SEE IF DANIELLE STAUB IS WIDELY HATED AND KELLY BENSIMON IS WILDLY CRAZY! SO HANG STOP THE TWEETING AND GET READY FOR HISTORY IN THE MAKING AS WE CELEBRATE TWITTERS 1ST EVER REAL HOUSEWIVES TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS, BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TWEEPLE, FOR THE TWEEPLE! (cheers, screams, whistling, clapping)

CATEGORY 1- BEST BOOK... NATURALLY THIN: UNLEASH YOUR SKINNY GIRL!
CATEGORY 2- TACKIEST HOUSEWIFE... TERESA GIUDICE!
CATEGORY 3- MOST INSPIRING HOUSEWIFE... ALEX MCCORD!
CATEGORY 4- HW'S YOU'D PAY TO SEE CAGE FIGHT... TERESA & BETHENNY!
CATEGORY 5- HW YOUR MATE WOULD LIKELY FIND ATTRACTIVE... SONJA MORGAN!
CATEGORY 6- BEST GUEST ON WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE... ELLEN BARKIN!
CATEGORY 7- BEST/WORST BODY IN A SWIMSUIT... GRETCHEN/DANIELLE!
CATEGORY 8- BEST BACKSTABBER... KIM DEPAOLA!
CATEGORY 9- HW ON DRUGS DURING SEASON OR REUNION... LYNNE CURTIN!
CATEGORY 10- HOUSEWIFE WHO FELL FROM GRACE... JILL ZARIN!
CATEGORY 11- MOST EVOLVED HOUSEWIFE... ALEX MCCORD!
CATEGORY 12- HW YOU'D LEAST LIKE TO SEE IN A SEX VIDEO... KIM GRANATELL!
CATEGORY 13- SEXIEST HOUSEWIFE... GRETCHEN ROSSI!
CATEGORY 14- WORST VOICE... TERESA GIUDICE!
CATEGORY 15- MOST AMBITIOUS HOUSEWIFE... VICKY GUNVALSON!
CATEGORY 16- HW WHO OVERSOLD CRAP... JILL ZARIN!
CATEGORY 17- HOUSEWIFE YOU BELIEVE IS THE BEST BLOGGER... ALEX MCCORD!
CATEGORY 18- HW/HH WHO'D MAKE A PERFECT MATCH... ALEXIS AND MARIO!
CATEGORY 19- FAKEST CRIER... KELLY BENSIMON!
CATEGORY 20- WHO'S BETTER: PEREZ OR ANDY... ANDY COHEN!
CATEGORY 21- BEST REUNION ARGUMENT... RAMONA SINGER AND JILL ZARIN!
CATEGORY 22- WORST HOUSEWIFE'S NEIGHBOR/FRIEND EVER... KIM GRANATELL!
CATEGORY 23- WORST SCRIPTED SCENE... LUANN AND CORT!
CATEGORY 24- BEST HOUSEWIFE'S GRANDPARENTS... THE HOPPY'S!
CATEGORY 25- HOUSEWIVES YOU WANT TO RETURN/STAY GONE... JEANA KEOUGH/LYNN!
CATEGORY 26- HOUSEWIVES WHO LOVE TO TWEET... A TIE JACKIE AND ALEX!
CATEGORY 27- THE HOUSEWIFE YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR... TERESA!
CATEGORY 28- BEST PET... COOKIE!
CATEGORY 29- BEST PET POOP SCENE... GINGER!
CATEGORY 30- UGLIEST PET... GRANDMA WRINKLES!
CATEGORY 31- BEST/WORST HOME DECOR... RAMONA SINGER/TERESA GIUDICE!
CATEGORY 32- SICKEST KISS/INTIMATE SCENE... JILL ZARIN & LUANN BEDROOM!
CATEGORY 33- BEST VOW RENEWAL CEREMONY... RAMONA AND MARIO!
CATEGORY 34- BIGGEST/WORST LIAR... JILL ZARIN/DINA MANZO!
CATEGORY 35- SMARTEST/DUMBEST HOUSEWIFE... VICKY GUNVALSON/LYNN CURTIN!
CATEGORY 36- HOTTEST HOUSEHUSBAND... MARIO!
CATEGORY 37- BEST/WORST DRESSED HOUSEWIFE... VICKY G./TERESA G.!
CATEGORY 38- HOUSECHILD MOST/LEAST LIKELY TO SUCCEED... AVERY/MILANIA!
CATEGORY 39- HOUSEWIFE WHO'S A PLASTIC SURGERY FIEND... ALEXIS BELLINO!
CATEGORY 40- HW WITH THE BEST/WORST BREAST... ALEXIS/DANIELLE!
CATEGORY 41- HOUSEWIFE WHO'S HAD THE SADDEST CHILDHOOD... BETHENNY!
CATEGORY 42- BEST GAY HUSBAND OR GAY MALE BFF... DUANE EUBANKS!
CATEGORY 43- FUNNIEST HOUSEWIFE... BETHENNY FRANKEL!
CATEGORY 44- BEST CATCH PHRASE OF ALL TIME... AIN'T I NICE!
CATEGORY 45- BEST INTRO 1 LINER... I'VE CREATED A GREAT LIFE & I LOVE LIVING IT!
CATEGORY 46- RICHEST/POOREST HOUSEWIFE... JILL ZARIN/LYNN CURTIN!
CATEGORY 47- HOUSEWIFE YOU BELIEVE TO BE LESBIAN... CAROLINE MANZO!
CATEGORY 48- MOST ADORED HOUSECHILD... BRIANA!
CATEGORY 49- MOST HATED HOUSEHUSBAND... SIMON BARNEY!
CATEGORY 50- THE DIVORCE WE ALL SEE COMING... TERESA AND JOE!
CATEGORY 51- THE DIVORCE WE ALL KNEW WOULD HAPPEN... TAMRA AND SIMON!
CATEGORY 52- HOUSEWIFE WHO JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE... KELLY BENSIMON!
CATEGORY 53- HOUSEWIFE WHO KEEPS IT REAL... KANDI BURRUSS!
CATEGORY 54- WHO'D BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA WHOM... BETHENNY OVER TERESA!
CATEGORY 55- BEST/WORST HOUSEWIVES VACATION... ST. JOHN/ITALY!
CATEGORY 56- BEST/WORST MOM... ALEX MCCORD/LYNN CURTIN!
CATEGORY 57- MOST/LEAST TALENTED HW... KANDI BURRUSS/KIM ZOLCIAK!
CATEGORY 58- WORST SONG: COUNTESS LUANN OR KIM ZOLCIAK... KIM ZOLCIAK!
CATEGORY 59- WERE YOU TEAM JILL/BETHENNY... TEAM BETHENNY!
CATEGORY 60- THE CITY AND STATE YOU WOULD LIKE BRAVO TO TAKEOVER... MIAMI, FLORIDA!
CATEGORY 61- THE WINNER OF THE 1ST REAL HOUSEWIVES TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS RUBBER ROOM KEY GOES TO... KELLY BENSIMON! (1 VOTE KEPT IT FROM BEING UNANIMOUS)

THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS... LAUGH OR CRY IT'S ON RECORD NOW! MAZEL TO BETHENNY FRANKEL WHO RECEIVED THE MOST POSITIVE VOTES AND THE JACKHOLE HERE APPPARENTLY IS TERESA GIUDICE... SORRY TERESA BUT THE TWEEPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

TO VOTE, TWEET ME @followinyoazz PLEASE USE TWITLONGER & NUMBER UR VOTES TO MATCH CATEGORY NUMBERS

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AWWWW SAY IT AIN'T JOE!

OMG, you all know I'm a big fan of the Giudice clan... so it pains me to say what I'm about to say. My Juicy Joe is about to blow! This weeks show was certainly sad for even me to watch. I saw Teresa totally oblivious as to what Joe was going through. He was cracking and peeling all over the place as Teresa pretended he was simply "cracking her up". Joe bitched and bitched and bitched about the money spent during the trip to Italy. Joe bitched about the cost of a cheese pizza in Italy. Joe bitched about Teresa allowing the girls to run-amuck. Joe bitched about bitching! Yet, throughout it all Teresa Giudice smiled, giggled, and placed bows on each of her girls heads. I was stunned! This man is about to blow and his wife, my friend, is too embarrassed to hash it out while the cameras roll. Caroline Manzo stated every couple has a fight from time to time there's nothing wrong with that. Teresa seemed totally evasive and oddly calm even making Joe apologize to the kids for his tantrum. Of course the kids didn't want to hold your hand, Joe, you were unstable at the time, but I felt your frustration through my flat screen television. Take it from me Teresa, your man wasn't upset due to lack of sex, rest, or alcohol, he saw the bank account creeping into the negative, honey. Get it together or it'll be the divorce heard 'round the world for you two. Stop being phoney and own it. Going broke to keep up appearances only embarrasses the culprit. In this economy you're not the first and you won't be the last, so why keep up the charade? Downsize your lifestyle and expenditures and you'll show your man just how down with him you can be. I personally think Joe has done a wonderful job at pleasing you, Teresa, but at what cost? I know your book is awesome and doing great in sells, however, is it putting your financial status in the black? Get with the program and Joe's frown will turn upside down! This is my most painful blog to date and I blog with the utmost sincerity. Don't spend more than you can earn it's a sure fire curse of the American people. Poverty in the United States is cyclical in nature with roughly 13 to 17% living below the federal poverty line at any given point in time, and roughly 40% falling below the poverty line at some point within a 10-year time span. The definition of the word poverty is: the state of one who lacks a usual or socially acceptable amount of money or material possessions. The word poverty comes from the Latin word, paupertat, which means poor. I'd like to see you evolve, Teresa. Ciao!

1st REAL HOUSEWIVES TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS FINAL CATEGORIES BELOW

CATEGORY 1- BEST BOOK
CATEGORY 2- TACKIEST HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 3- MOST INSPIRING HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 4- TWO HOUSEWIVES YOU WOULD PAY MONEY TO SEE IN A UFC CAGE FIGHT
CATEGORY 5- HOUSEWIFE YOUR MATE WOULD MOST LIKELY FIND ATTRACTIVE
CATEGORY 6- BEST GUEST APPEARANCE ON WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE
CATEGORY 7- BEST/WORST BODY IN A SWIMSUIT
CATEGORY 8- BEST BACKSTABBER
CATEGORY 9- HOUSEWIFE YOU BELIEVE IS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS WHILE FILMING DURING SEASON OR REUNION
CATEGORY 10- HOUSEWIFE WHO FELL FROM GRACE
CATEGORY 11- MOST EVOLVED HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 12- HOUSEWIFE YOU WOULD LEAST LIKE TO SEE IN A SEX VIDEO
CATEGORY 13- SEXIEST HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 14- WORST VOICE
CATEGORY 15- MOST AMBITIOUS HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 16- HOUSEWIFE WHO HAS ABUSED HER 15 MINUTES OF FAME BY OVERSELLING CRAP
CATEGORY 17- HOUSEWIFE YOU BELIEVE IS THE BEST BLOGGER
CATEGORY 18- HOUSEWIVE/HOUSEHUSBAND YOU THINK WOULD MAKE A PERFECT MATCH
CATEGORY 19- FAKEST CRIER
CATEGORY 20- WHO'S BETTER: PEREZ OR ANDY
CATEGORY 21- BEST REUNION ARGUMENT
CATEGORY 22- WORST HOUSEWIFE'S NEIGHBOR/FRIEND EVER
CATEGORY 23- WORST SCRIPTED SCENE
CATEGORY 24- BEST HOUSEWIFE'S GRANDPARENTS
CATEGORY 25- HOUSEWIVES YOU WANT TO RETURN/STAY GONE
CATEGORY 26- HOUSEWIVES WHO LOVES TO TWEET
CATEGORY 27- THE HOUSEWIFE YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR
CATEGORY 28- BEST PET
CATEGORY 29- BEST PET POOP SCENE
CATEGORY 30- UGLIEST PET
CATEGORY 31- BEST/WORST HOME DECOR
CATEGORY 32- SICKEST KISS/INTIMATE SCENE
CATEGORY 33- BEST VOW RENEWAL CEREMONY
CATEGORY 34- BIGGEST/WORST LIAR
CATEGORY 35- SMARTEST/DUMBEST HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 36- HOTTEST HOUSEHUSBAND
CATEGORY 37- BEST/WORST DRESSED HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 38- HOUSECHILD MOST/LEAST LIKELY TO SUCCEED
CATEGORY 39- HOUSEWIFE WHO'S A PLASTIC SURGERY FIEND
CATEGORY 40- HOUSEWIFE WITH THE BEST/WORST BREAST AUGMENTATION
CATEGORY 41- HOUSEWIFE WHO'S HAD THE SADDEST CHILDHOOD
CATEGORY 42- BEST GAY HUSBAND OR GAY MALE BFF
CATEGORY 43- FUNNIEST HOUSEWIFE
CATEGORY 44- BEST CATCH PHRASE OF ALL TIME
CATEGORY 45- BEST INTRO 1 LINER
CATEGORY 46- RICHEST/POOREST HOUSEWIFE (FINANCIALLY)
CATEGORY 47- HOUSEWIFE YOU BELIEVE TO BE LESBIAN
CATEGORY 48- MOST ADORED HOUSECHILD
CATEGORY 49- MOST HATED HOUSEHUSBAND
CATEGORY 50- THE DIVORCE WE ALL SEE COMING
CATEGORY 51- THE DIVORCE WE ALL KNEW WOULD HAPPEN
CATEGORY 52- HOUSEWIFE WHO JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
CATEGORY 53- HOUSEWIFE WHO KEEPS IT REAL
CATEGORY 54- WHO'D BEAT THE CRAP OUTTA WHOM?
CATEGORY 55- BEST/WORST HOUSEWIVES VACATION
CATEGORY 56- BEST/WORST MOM
CATEGORY 57- MOST/LEAST TALENTED HW
CATEGORY 58- WORST SONG: COUNTESS LUANN OR KIM ZOLCIAK
CATEGORY 59- WERE YOU TEAM JILL/BETHENNY
CATEGORY 60- THE CITY AND STATE YOU WOULD LIKE BRAVO TO TAKEOVER
CATEGORY 61- THE WINNER OF THE 1ST REAL HOUSEWIVES TWEEPLES CHOICE AWARDS RUBBER ROOM KEY GOES TO...

TO VOTE, TWEET ME @followinyoazz PLEASE USE TWITLONGER & NUMBER UR VOTES TO MATCH CATEGORY NUMBERS

BUSTED UP SEX AND THE CITY NOW BUSTED UP FO SHO

Clearly there is still no honor amongst thieves. Check out this videastrophy. From a busted up Sex and the City duo to just plain busted up... the war between the Ole Hag Bags rages on. I'm not surprised one bit hell the key players are Kim G and Danielle for pete's sake anyone could've seen it coming. Take a peek

CAT DON'T DO CATFISH

Hey RHODC fans how bout that Cat?  Talk about stick stuck up the queen bum.  I believe George Bush was more comfy shaking the hands of Haitians than Cat was breaking bread with Stacie Turner's family.  I personally love that this show is multicultural unlike RHONJ, NYC, and especially OC.  Hell I think DC has more blacks than Atlanta.  Everyone invited to Stacie's dinner seemed have been enjoying the atmosphere.  Stacie's Aunt Frances is the hostess with the mostess.  I fell in love with Aunt Frances the moment Stacie mentioned how she, (Aunt Frances), had come forward, during the death of Stacie's mom, and kinda took Stacie and Stacie's dad under her wings.  Aunt Frances would drop by every Sunday to cook a home-cooked Sunday feast!  Mazel Aunt Frances!  Although everyone there was living it up, Ole Cat-in-the-Crack simply couldn't join in the fun.  Cat is clearly 0 for 2 with me and yes I keep score much like Jill Zarin.  She whined about everything including the drink menu!  As Michelle Tanner would say, "HOW RUDE".  Cat was clearly uncomfortable from beginning to end.  Could it be me?  Could she be suffering from BLACKAPHOBE?  Or was she just having a bad day?  I say BLACKAPHOBE boo.  So to all the RHODC FANS before you go inviting Cat to dinner just remember this Cat don't do Catfish! 

RHODC Debut... A Reality Snoozer!

Well Washington is arrived and it's boring as watching my hubby clip his toe nails on a Saturday night. I hoped and prayed this crew would be mature and secure enough to rise above the catfights we've all grown bored with from the other RH's series. However, what lil hopes I had washed away the moment my tv auto switched to Bravo. Hell these girls are so forgettable I forget which 1 has the super hot black boyfriend... I hope Cat does because Lynda is just plain ugerrrly! Seems everyone cared about who they knew and Janet Jackson's chef somehow topped the list... Beating out The Obama's' The Kennedy's, and me! Let me just break these Buffy's down for y'all Texas Southern Style...


Mary Amons -aka Ms Bio-Metric Closet- girl get in your closet and stay there! This woman bashed her own daughter straight out the gate stating her daughter left home and came back broke. To make matters worse, roseMARY's baby then installed a biometric security lock on her closet door so that her broke ass daughter can't bum a dress from time to time. Hey Mary I know what you can do with your left index finger! @!*

Lynda Erkiletian -aka ulgy mug- Geez this woman is a real piece of work. How can it be possible for 1 person to spend an entire season concerned with another woman's eating habits or lack thereof. Lynda you need to worry about your creepy face instead of Michaele's weight. The jealousy took over and she rolled with it.

Michaele Salahi -aka ole party crasher- Now I found this chic a bit refreshing yet I see signs of Kelly in her at times. Nontheless I find her very attractive and far from Lindsay Lohan's scary size. Looking forward to Michaele telling Lynda where to go and how to get there.

Stacie Turner -Barack n Tyra fan- I'm not impressed in the least... Still deciding and that aint good. Ya see she just wasn't very memorable opening night so in all fairness I'll give her more time.

Catherine Ommanney -aka The Queen- I don't care if she loves Bush and likes Obama, or how she feel about Tyra Banks, or that she loves tuna fish, I just find her snobbish. Some people are blasting her because she isn't American born, that shouldn't be an issue, afterall it's Real Housewives of DC not America... ughhh!Anywho folks, there ya have it, my view on the RHODC 2 words " BORE ME"

The Dirt D's on Judging Juicy Joe

I think I heard my blood actually boiling when I was forced by Bravo to sit through Danielle and Danny bashing Juicy Joe's late night alcohol related car accident. If Juicy Joe was drinking and driving, shame on him, but who are the Dirt D's to judge? Danielle made comments such as "what kind of man is he to be out that late with a wife and 4 kids", "karma is a bitch", and "he must've been in a strip club". News flash Danielle, what kind of mom are you to have done all three plus kidnapping, coke, prostituting, theft, and much much more! Then Danny chimed in as if he can't remember his jailhouse spin number. Bravo wasted precious film on two idiots having idiotic conversation. By the way, Danielle is looking a bit unbathed these days, what's up with that? I think she's totally getting high again. Afterall she's breaking bread with ex-cons and forcing her kids to call these raggamuffins "Uncle". Its such a sad thing to watch where her kids are concerned. Its bad enough she forces the kids to earn wages at their ages. Bravo, at some point, should be held accountable for the way these kids are made to suffer. School must be hell on earth for those poor girls. Comment your opinion please.

Teresa Giudice As I See Her... FABULICIOUS!

OMG in tonights episode Teresa looked amazing! Absolutely FaBuLiCiOuS! I know the tweeple give Teresa a hard time about her spending money with that ugly bankruptcy crap looming over her head, but nobody looks better spending money like Teresa and me. The mink she wore upon arriving in Italy didn't just fall off the back of a truck baby the girls were rocking mink hats and coats as well. By "girls" I mean Teresa's kids, uhkay? That's why I adore Teresa because she takes such pride in her girls. I think even you haters can agree with me on this fact. There's no doubt in my mind had the Chanel store not been closed for lunch, Juicy Joe would've dug deep and purchased items for Teresa and his girls. Joe you really dodged a bullet with that store being closed. On another note, a pretty expensive vaz (vase) was broken prior to the trip. The vaz (vase) belonged to Teresa and Joe and was a part of a set. If any of you wish to replace this vaz (vase) please let me know post haste. Now the breaking of an expensive vaz (vase) in my home would warrant a Buffy Beatdown, but Teresa didn't bat an eye... Italy bound.

Lets All Be Thinking Italy and Make It Look Like It's Spontaneous

Oh geez everyone let's go to Italy tomorrow! I didn't buy it for 1 minute. Now this was 1 episode I truly believed to be scripted. The crew of RHONJ all gathered and traveled to Italy less the Dirty D's (Danny & Danielle)... Thank God. Jackie stated baby Ashley couldn't go because apparently baby Ashley has to work to pay her attorney fees due to the infamous hair pulling incident. I'd refer baby Ashley to OJ's defense team but sadly they passed on. Caroline convinced Albert to vacay by dangling "alone time" in his face. However, upon arrival Albert and Caroline were unexpectedly asked to babysit the Giudice gang. I don't know why I just heard Teresa say they needed to give the grandparents a break (so they pawned the kids off on Albert and Caroline so she and Juicy Joe could make Puffy Chucky). I don't believe Albert and Caroline ever had that "alone time" though. While babysitting the Giudice gang, Albert and Caroline allowed the girls to swim in the ships hot tub only to be told the kids had to be at least 16, therefore must get out. While keeping the kids busy with arts and crafts, Gabriela attempted to slap the dogshit outta Caroline. Of course Caroline put that girl in her place. Cut to Chris Laurita discussing why Danielle had to get the hell outta their lives... Chris didn't say she was toxic but he was thinking it! Jackie and Teresa had "alone time" and decided to go out for drinks. Jackie had too much to drink, was hungover, missed a Giudice baby birthday celebration, and claimed she was seasick... O hell nawl boo you were wasted! Oh yeah, Teresa had the entire clan follow her on a ten mile hike to find the Chanel store in Venice only to find it closed. Now there you have Italy folks. If I missed anything please comment.

This Blog

I'm sure my followers on twitter are wondering where is @followinyoazz on a Monday night?  Well, I was setting up my blog of course.  I'm very excited about it as well as our 1st EVER Real Housewives Twitter Awards hosted by me on Twitter Aug 25th 7pm cst.  Hope to see you all there!  Be sure to answer my poll questions on this blog.  I'll be updating them frequently so PAY UHTTENTION PUHLEEZ U CONTRADICTION WHORAHS! LOL... MUAH!